Last Sunday would have been the 83rd birthday of the Rev. Fred McFeely Rogers, better known to several generations of children (and their parents) as Mr. Rogers, the creator and host of public television's Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. Although it might seem silly for me to admit it, I have always been very fond of this show, because it gives me hope for a better, more compassionate, and kinder world, than the one we seem to live in.
I am not a religious person--in fact I am frequently and openly skeptical and hostile of the motives of those who vocalize and proselytize their religious beliefs. I am one who believes that religion in a personal matter and that there are many paths to the Universal Truth. What works for one person does not necessarily work for others. It is a great folly to attempt to impose one's religious beliefs on others, whether they be people in another part of the world, your neighbor, or even your family. This is a personal journey, not a shopping trip to Wal*Mart.
That being said, there was a phrase that at one time was meant as a great complement, which comes to mind when I think of Mr. Rogers--it is the term "Christian Gentleman"--one who sees his life as a ministry to others. One who interacts with others with a Christlike grace, and whose life mission is to make those around him be at ease and feel important. The admonition of Philippians 2:3, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves," is practiced in their life.
Right now, I am going through a great deal of stress, pain and confusion in my life. Things are close to 180 degrees from the direction I thought my life was heading less than two months ago. While I am trying to make sense of what went wrong and what I did to contribute to several of the terrible things that have happened to me and others in my life (and one very special and important person in particular), I came back this entire concept. A lot of the reason why I felt that moving from Southern California was best for me was I would like to think, out of the intent of this Biblical passage. It was because, in large measure, because I wanted to help others who are important to me. Unfortunately, beyond the factors that were beyond my control, these dreams have been placed on hold for the moment. In the end, it may turn out to be a good thing, as I now have the chance to focus attention on the pain and loneliness in my life, and what I need to do to put it in the past, even though I thought I had.
A few years ago, I had read a book (which I need to find and re-read) by Tim Madigan entitled I'm Proud of You: Life Lessons from My Friend Fred Rogers. Madigan is a newspaper writer in Dallas, who became long-distance friends with Mr. Rogers. A few years after they met, Madigan wrote to Mr. Rogers about the fact Madigan was considering getting a divorce. Madigan felt remorse and shame, and was afraid that Mr. Rogers would not understand or forgive, or continue to love Madigan.
In response, Mr. Rogers wrote the following:
My dear Tim,
Bless your heart. I feel so for you—for you all—but, Tim, please know that I would never forsake you, that I will never be disappointed with you, that I would never stop loving you. How I wish we could be closer geographically! I'd get in my car, drive to your house, knock on your door, and, when you answered I'd hug you tight.
You are a beautiful man, inside and out, and those who care about you are privileged to share your pain...As for suffering: I believe that there are fewer people than ever who escape major suffering in this life. In fact I'm fairly convinced that the Kingdom of God is for the broken-hearted. You write of "powerlessness." Join the club; we are not in control: God is.
Our trust and affection run very deep. You know you are in my prayers-now and always. If you ever need me you have only to call and I would do my best to get to you, or you to me...
There are people in my life right now who I wish would read this. Hopefully you are one of them. If so, please know as much as I am suffering right now because of the direction my life has recently turned, please know that Mr. Rogers' thoughts for his friend are my thoughts for you.
One thing that I took from this book, which I continue to use frequently in my daily life is the phrase "I'm proud of you." I use it with Stephen to let him know how much I love him (although sometimes, I do have to be a parent). I also use it frequently with my friend I had mentioned earlier, who I had inadvertently hurt recently. This friend has been through a lot in their life in the last couple of years--divorce, new career, children becoming adults, parents becoming older with one dying, etc., etc. Through all of that I've tried to do my best to be the sort of good, kind and supportive friend Mr. Rogers would want me to be. Part of the reason why my inadvertent action hurt me so deeply and personally, is that I would never do anything to hurt this person, or those who are important to them. I am very hopeful that I am starting to be forgiven by my friend, and that they know that in my heart, I really want to be Mr. Rogers.
What prompted me to write this was a link that I was sent the other day to Mr. Rogers’ acceptance speech for the Lifetime Achievement Emmy Award he received in 1997. Please take a moment to watch this video and to take the ten seconds he asks to think of those who have helped you become who you are.
I'm happy to be your neighbor.
Here's the video:
